My initial shock, sadness and anger from the other day has definitely died down now, but I still feel it bubbling under the surface. One of the major things that my life has taught me in the past year has been finding out what is truly important, and revelling in it. So I found out too late how important my marriage was and that I should have been showering my wife in love every day. That ship has sailed. If I ever get a chance to be that special to someone else I know the sort of man I need to be. But in the last week I have really been slapped around in regards to my children. I know that I am a good person and that I love my children. They love seeing me and we have some fun times together. But early last week my son asked me why we don't play together like other Dads do with their kids. I was able to give a logical response about only having them for half a week, and most of that time they are at school. But it really hit me. And he was completely right. I'm on autopilot with my children in the same way I was on autopilot with my wife. My ex wife has gifted me (inadvertently because she wanted extra time without the kids) more time on the weekend to spend with my children. I get a whole day where I could take them bushwalking, or go feed the ducks, or play in a park or throw a frisbee around. But what they really want is for me to get up from the computer and go see what they are doing. If they are colouring in or drawing, then I should sit down and join them. If they are playing with dolls and teddy bears, then I should grab one too. This is the sort of thing I used to do. I play with the kids at school all the time. That is so mixed up. I am committing to loving my children much better from now on. Loving them as an action, not just through words.
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