I've just bought a new camera so I could start capturing images of my kids in a new vibrant way. I'm also going to use the camera extensively at work but i am truly excited about the camera pushing me outdoors with my children to spend wonderful natural times with them. I see it forcing me to take long walks with them, explore our property with them, go on bush walks or just play at the park. All the stuff that I should do more often but I find hard to fit in now that I'm single. I love my children more than anything. I miss them so much when I don't have them, and I am always frustrated that my time with them seems to be rushing to get to school and then getting them ready for bed at the end of the day. I love relaxed weekends with my children. And it is during these times that I should grab every opportunity to get outside and see the world. I plan to, I know I will.
My ex-wife (well, we are getting divorced soon) sent me an email today. She has told me that she doesn't want to live in this town anymore. She will see out the year and then she is going to take my kids and live 3 hours away in the city where her family lives. I'm finding it hard to type. There are so many emotions raging within me right now, and I can't find a single one that is pleasant. She said that the best option would be for me to move to the city too and then we can continue our shared care arrangement.
It is difficult to explain briefly everything I would need to in order for you to understand this situation. The fact that my ex is emotionally unstable and will discover that this thing she "needs" at the moment will fade in time and then she will "need" something else. The fact that she currently has a boy friend who lives near the city and therefore she is making this decision in order to get closer to him. The fact that my teaching job is so important to me. In my town I am known by almost everyone as the fun teacher at my school and so many people enrol in the school because of me. My school community is family to me. The fact that I can't stand cities. I want to live a simple life with close, good friends and a relaxed lifestyle. And I want that for my kids too. The fact that last year I got to teach my son at school and it was one of the most wonderful experiences ever. And next year, if my children are around, I will get to teach my youngest son. I don't want to miss that opportunity. There we go, now the sadness is setting in. I'm sorry to hit my audience (currently none, but maybe one day) with such a big issue in my second post, but as I created this blog the other day I was so hopeful of the future and I didn't see this coming. I don't think this blog is going to have the same feel to it anymore. I was buying a new house in town in a few months and I was going to build my children a cubby house and put fairy lights all through the house for Christmas. My son is entering his 2nd year of dance and he is already becoming a star. My ex is stating that there will be more opportunities in the city for him to extend his dance. But here he can really shine because it is a much smaller place. The opportunities are fine here, you just need to create them yourself. And that is something I excel at. I am a well known face of my town because I MC weddings, host the annual Christmas Carols concert, run the school awards nights and am always involved in local theatre. I am involved in everything, and therefore so are my kids. They won't get that chance in the city, it is too big. No one will know them, they will just be a number.
I'm just piecing information together now. I knew it would be hard to spill all of this out. I'm just so sad that I could lose my kids. And so angry that my ex-wife feels that she has all the power, is always manipulating me and is so selfish that she will destroy everything we have built up since the children were born here just so she could be more comfortable. Since she broke up our marriage there are people in the town who are disappointed in her. I understand why she wants to run away and hide near her Mum, but it is selfish none the less.
I'm going to post this now. I don't even know what I just said. I'm so sad.
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